When Shakespeare said famously, that all the world’s a stage, and we are all players (actors), I’m not sure he knew how right he was. Think about it. Think about all the different roles we play, all the different characters within ourselves, each we reserve for maybe one specific situation or for one specific group of people.
People act differently with different people, that’s the reality for most. You act as the Friend with your mates, the Lover with your partner, the Son with your parents, and a lot more different characters, such as the Enemy, the Worker, the Student or the Apathetic. This is not you being two-faced. This is you being yourself. Your Self is not a definite set of characteristics. There is no such thing as a fixed personality. That is why people are unpredictable. They don’t have set rules.
You can never even begin to describe yourself, because first of all, you’ll be extremely biased and inaccurate. In all probability you’ll only describe an idealistic notion of yourself that you like to think is true. Even when you’re describing something you don’t like about yourself, it’ll be grossly inaccurate. Exaggeration is common. Self-deception, widespread.
Second, like I said, there is no such thing as a fixed personality. You’re never 100% bubbly, or you’re never 100% honest, even if you’d like to think so. We are fluctuating beings. We change. We evolve. Everything about us is subject to change without notice. One minute you’re happy, the other you’re terribly depressed. It’s all about ambiguities. We are ambivalent, ambiguous and uncertain creatures. Nobody can tell you what makes you tick, not even yourself.
The phrase ‘to know yourself’ is therefore meaningless. To know yourself is to know nothing. Like what Dibs always say, the only thing we know for certain is that we know nothing. There is so much that we will never know, and compared to what we already know – or at least what we think we know – there’s a universe of unknown things to a speck of our self-knowledge.
Tell me something we do know.
Signing out
Over and out
Saturday, August 30, 2008
15th August,
The sky is getting darker. It's lightless now. The sun can just watch from a distance as the planet gets engulfed by this violent darkness. I wonder how the others are doing.
17th August,
We heard screams again this morning. Probably from somewhere the south of us. It didn't sound far, but everyone pretended not to notice. We have our own lives to take care of now. Other lives, other worlds even. Selfishness is good, for the moment.
21st August
We had to move. Again. It's only been a week since we found this abandoned house, and alread
The sky is getting darker. It's lightless now. The sun can just watch from a distance as the planet gets engulfed by this violent darkness. I wonder how the others are doing.
17th August,
We heard screams again this morning. Probably from somewhere the south of us. It didn't sound far, but everyone pretended not to notice. We have our own lives to take care of now. Other lives, other worlds even. Selfishness is good, for the moment.
21st August
We had to move. Again. It's only been a week since we found this abandoned house, and alread
The Inevitable Comedy
I was tagged by Mai and Pill. Sorry it's so late, it's not easy to find fifteen weird things about myself, okay. Heh.
the three rules:
* State 15 weird things/habits/little known facts about yourself
* The 10 people I tag are to then to follow what i did and write their own 15 weird things/habits and little known facts.
* No tag backs
Here we go:
1) My hair had a fan club. It consisted if three girls who were two years my senior. They had photos of my hair as the wallpaper for their mobile phones. I’m not even joking. And oh, a lot of hairdressers have complained about how tiring it is to cut my hair when it is at its fullest. A lot half-jokingly asked for double or triple the usual pay. Sometimes out of pity I give them a tip.
2) I once thought that the tampon was the female version of the condom. Haha. That was so embarrassing.
3) My right eyelid is slower than my left. You can see it when I look up and down really quickly. Pill pointed this out about a month ago. She thinks it’s hilarious.
4) My most politically-incorrect nickname is Brown Bear. Taken from Turk of Scrubs, it was given to me by my housemate, Clive. Other weird nicknames include M&M (Muhammad Mujahid) given by the army cadets I was with, and Jason (from Jay). All three nicknames – thankfully – never stuck. I also played a character called Black Caesar for the house play, I think because I was the closest thing to a black person in the house (Hahaha). Which is again, politically incorrect.
5) My record for a headstand is 13 minutes. I could’ve gone on for longer, but I had to stop because some of my friends were worried because my eyes were getting so red because of all the blood flowing to my head. It was when I was a self-proclaimed B-Boy. We all were. Too Phat was the thing of the moment, and everyone was doing headstands, handstands, freezes, worms and stuff. Truth is, we weren’t that good. We were amateurs who knew only the simple basics.
6) I can write in mirror-image, upside-down or even both at the same time. It’s a skill I learnt in class when I already knew I was leaving for the UK.
7) In my family, both my parents are left-handed. But all of my siblings, me included, are all right-handed. Yet both me and my second brother wear our watches on our right wrist, which is unusual. Most righties wear their watches on their left wrist. In football, I can use both feet to kick the ball, though I dribble mostly with my right.
8) I used to specifically collect Coca Cola Light bottle caps. I managed to collect about 200-300 caps in less than a year.
9)I can sleep just fine with very loud music. When Linkin Park first came out, I used their songs as lullabies to help me sleep. When there’s unwanted noise outside like construction work, I just put on my music out loud and go to sleep.
10) As a kid, I used to love collecting sports shoes and football shirts. I’d find excuses to buy new shoes, like “I need them for basketball” or “my old futsal shoes are worn out.” I loved the feeling of coming to school with a brand new pair of Nike shoes. As a guy, I have an abnormally high number of shoes. Everytime I go to London (or anywhere else for the weekend), I always bring at least three pair of shoes and a pair of flip flops with me.
11) 13 is my ‘lucky’ number, just because I’m not superstitious. I wanna show people how bogus superstitions are.
12) In the first metal gig I went, the vocalist puked in front of me. And I didn’t even notice it until someone told me afterwards.
13) Which reminds me. Emma Watson has seen me. I didn’t see her. Confused? I was in Headington Girls School (she’s in the same year as me for A-Levels), and we barged into the computer room while there was a parents-teachers meeting. Emma Watson and her parents were there, and they asked us to leave because we were ‘disturbing.’ Only after we left did Farah and Zeerah told me it was Emma Watson.
14) I’m a vegetarian
15) And I’m hungry.
I'm not tagging anyone. I don't have enough friends to tag. Haha. Ha. Ha.
Signing out
Over and out
the three rules:
* State 15 weird things/habits/little known facts about yourself
* The 10 people I tag are to then to follow what i did and write their own 15 weird things/habits and little known facts.
* No tag backs
Here we go:
1) My hair had a fan club. It consisted if three girls who were two years my senior. They had photos of my hair as the wallpaper for their mobile phones. I’m not even joking. And oh, a lot of hairdressers have complained about how tiring it is to cut my hair when it is at its fullest. A lot half-jokingly asked for double or triple the usual pay. Sometimes out of pity I give them a tip.
2) I once thought that the tampon was the female version of the condom. Haha. That was so embarrassing.
3) My right eyelid is slower than my left. You can see it when I look up and down really quickly. Pill pointed this out about a month ago. She thinks it’s hilarious.
4) My most politically-incorrect nickname is Brown Bear. Taken from Turk of Scrubs, it was given to me by my housemate, Clive. Other weird nicknames include M&M (Muhammad Mujahid) given by the army cadets I was with, and Jason (from Jay). All three nicknames – thankfully – never stuck. I also played a character called Black Caesar for the house play, I think because I was the closest thing to a black person in the house (Hahaha). Which is again, politically incorrect.
5) My record for a headstand is 13 minutes. I could’ve gone on for longer, but I had to stop because some of my friends were worried because my eyes were getting so red because of all the blood flowing to my head. It was when I was a self-proclaimed B-Boy. We all were. Too Phat was the thing of the moment, and everyone was doing headstands, handstands, freezes, worms and stuff. Truth is, we weren’t that good. We were amateurs who knew only the simple basics.
6) I can write in mirror-image, upside-down or even both at the same time. It’s a skill I learnt in class when I already knew I was leaving for the UK.
7) In my family, both my parents are left-handed. But all of my siblings, me included, are all right-handed. Yet both me and my second brother wear our watches on our right wrist, which is unusual. Most righties wear their watches on their left wrist. In football, I can use both feet to kick the ball, though I dribble mostly with my right.
8) I used to specifically collect Coca Cola Light bottle caps. I managed to collect about 200-300 caps in less than a year.
9)I can sleep just fine with very loud music. When Linkin Park first came out, I used their songs as lullabies to help me sleep. When there’s unwanted noise outside like construction work, I just put on my music out loud and go to sleep.
10) As a kid, I used to love collecting sports shoes and football shirts. I’d find excuses to buy new shoes, like “I need them for basketball” or “my old futsal shoes are worn out.” I loved the feeling of coming to school with a brand new pair of Nike shoes. As a guy, I have an abnormally high number of shoes. Everytime I go to London (or anywhere else for the weekend), I always bring at least three pair of shoes and a pair of flip flops with me.
11) 13 is my ‘lucky’ number, just because I’m not superstitious. I wanna show people how bogus superstitions are.
12) In the first metal gig I went, the vocalist puked in front of me. And I didn’t even notice it until someone told me afterwards.
13) Which reminds me. Emma Watson has seen me. I didn’t see her. Confused? I was in Headington Girls School (she’s in the same year as me for A-Levels), and we barged into the computer room while there was a parents-teachers meeting. Emma Watson and her parents were there, and they asked us to leave because we were ‘disturbing.’ Only after we left did Farah and Zeerah told me it was Emma Watson.
14) I’m a vegetarian
15) And I’m hungry.
I'm not tagging anyone. I don't have enough friends to tag. Haha. Ha. Ha.
Signing out
Over and out
Wednesday, August 27, 2008
Little Miss Sunshine And Her Family
So.
Nothing really.
What's coming up soon, is my 15 weird things.
Other than that, I've got absolutely nothing else to talk about. Except... Maybe...
This:
It is one of the most endearingly funny films I've seen. The phrase 'dysfunctional family' would've been invented for the Hoovers. A suicidal, gay uncle. A coke-snorting, sex-deprived grandfather, a Nietzsche-worshipping, pilot-wannabe son who has taken a vow of silence, a beauty pageant daughter, a winning-obsessed, hapless father, and the mother who tries to keep everyone together.
This film is brilliant. Funny, satirical and sad all at the same time, it pokes fun at a society obsessed with being 'winners' and highlights the importance of being yourself and being in a family. It attacks the artificiality of American society and the over-politically-correct norms and rules.
Buy it on DVD. You'll want to watch it over and over again.
Signing out
Over and out
Nothing really.
What's coming up soon, is my 15 weird things.
Other than that, I've got absolutely nothing else to talk about. Except... Maybe...
This:
It is one of the most endearingly funny films I've seen. The phrase 'dysfunctional family' would've been invented for the Hoovers. A suicidal, gay uncle. A coke-snorting, sex-deprived grandfather, a Nietzsche-worshipping, pilot-wannabe son who has taken a vow of silence, a beauty pageant daughter, a winning-obsessed, hapless father, and the mother who tries to keep everyone together.
This film is brilliant. Funny, satirical and sad all at the same time, it pokes fun at a society obsessed with being 'winners' and highlights the importance of being yourself and being in a family. It attacks the artificiality of American society and the over-politically-correct norms and rules.
Buy it on DVD. You'll want to watch it over and over again.
Signing out
Over and out
Monday, August 25, 2008
Disturbed By Your Words
Oh my fucking jeez.
I just realised I haven't updated in a week. I've been so busy and been out and about much of the time I didn't really have time to blog. Even now, I'm really pushing for time.
Tomorrow is Visa day. Yes, I'm making my visa tomorrow. Exactly a week from now I'll be on the flight to London :D
Oh, by the way, yesterday was Pill's 18th birthday. So we had lunch at Excapade with her family. I think what I got for her as a present is really, really funny. And sweet. But mostly funny. Yeah, definitely funny. But partly sweet to.
"Bye bye beautiful
Don't bother to write
Disturbed by your words and they're calling all cars
Face step, let down.
Face step, step down.@
One of the most perplexing choruses I've ever heard. It's from Coheed & Cambria's 'A Favour House Atlantic." Even the title makes no sense. But it is one of my favourite songs.
Signing out
Over and out
I just realised I haven't updated in a week. I've been so busy and been out and about much of the time I didn't really have time to blog. Even now, I'm really pushing for time.
Tomorrow is Visa day. Yes, I'm making my visa tomorrow. Exactly a week from now I'll be on the flight to London :D
Oh, by the way, yesterday was Pill's 18th birthday. So we had lunch at Excapade with her family. I think what I got for her as a present is really, really funny. And sweet. But mostly funny. Yeah, definitely funny. But partly sweet to.
"Bye bye beautiful
Don't bother to write
Disturbed by your words and they're calling all cars
Face step, let down.
Face step, step down.@
One of the most perplexing choruses I've ever heard. It's from Coheed & Cambria's 'A Favour House Atlantic." Even the title makes no sense. But it is one of my favourite songs.
Signing out
Over and out
Monday, August 18, 2008
In Proper Malapropism
Malapropism : the art of using big words only to use them in a wrong context or confuse them with similar-sounding words. Derived from a character from Sheridan's The Rivals called Mrs Malaprop.
I know a few who are absolute masters at this. They never fail to make me laugh.
Signing out
Over and out
I know a few who are absolute masters at this. They never fail to make me laugh.
Signing out
Over and out
Friday, August 15, 2008
Points Of Truth
So. Moment of truth.
My A-Level results. It was:
A - English Literature
A - Mathematics
B - Chemistry
And you know what? The thing I feared most likely to happen, happened. I got the B in Chemistry. Which means I missed UCL's conditional offer of AAA by one grade. Here's the marks for each of them:
536 / 600 - Mathematics
515 / 600 - English Literature
455 / 600 - Chemistry
Now the heartbreaking part. To get an A, you need 480 points out of 600. So I missed the A by a mere 25 points, or just by 4%. Fucking hell.
And yes, I did call UCL explaining that point. No luck. They couldn't accept anymore.
So I'm off to York. 2 hours by train, 6 hours by coach. Beautiful countryside. A lot different to London.
I'm still recovering.
Signing out
Over and out
My A-Level results. It was:
A - English Literature
A - Mathematics
B - Chemistry
And you know what? The thing I feared most likely to happen, happened. I got the B in Chemistry. Which means I missed UCL's conditional offer of AAA by one grade. Here's the marks for each of them:
536 / 600 - Mathematics
515 / 600 - English Literature
455 / 600 - Chemistry
Now the heartbreaking part. To get an A, you need 480 points out of 600. So I missed the A by a mere 25 points, or just by 4%. Fucking hell.
And yes, I did call UCL explaining that point. No luck. They couldn't accept anymore.
So I'm off to York. 2 hours by train, 6 hours by coach. Beautiful countryside. A lot different to London.
I'm still recovering.
Signing out
Over and out
Thursday, August 14, 2008
Begging For An Outcome
It's today. Don't mind the date upstairs. The actual time in Brunei right now is 7.30am, 14th August 2008.
14th means... Results!
In a few hours, it'll either be relief or panic. It'll either be London or Yorkshire, or worst case scenario, neither. Though I'm fairly confident of not getting lower than ABB, confidence is not exactly a guarantee. For want of a better phrase, anything can happen. My Chemistry paper could've gone haywire. I might not have got the 20 marks I needed in the last Maths paper to get my A. I might've gone off topic on my Milton paper. And no, I don't believe that I'm jinxing it by saying it. I'm not superstitious.
Jeez damn it.
I wanna live in London so bad right now. But hey, since I found out that York is only 2 hours from London by train (5 hours by coach though), now I don't dread as much ending up there.
Wish me luck. Because it is, indeed, a factor.
Signing out
Over and out
14th means... Results!
In a few hours, it'll either be relief or panic. It'll either be London or Yorkshire, or worst case scenario, neither. Though I'm fairly confident of not getting lower than ABB, confidence is not exactly a guarantee. For want of a better phrase, anything can happen. My Chemistry paper could've gone haywire. I might not have got the 20 marks I needed in the last Maths paper to get my A. I might've gone off topic on my Milton paper. And no, I don't believe that I'm jinxing it by saying it. I'm not superstitious.
Jeez damn it.
I wanna live in London so bad right now. But hey, since I found out that York is only 2 hours from London by train (5 hours by coach though), now I don't dread as much ending up there.
Wish me luck. Because it is, indeed, a factor.
Signing out
Over and out
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
Price To Play
Oh wow. This is a priceless photo.
Pill, oh Pill.
I cannot do a proper update because I'm so, so tired.
Signing out
Over and out
Monday, August 11, 2008
Honey Cakes and Muffin Pies
I like comfortable silences. Not those awkward silences where you're frantically looking for something to say in your mind, while trying to keep your cool on the outside. Nobody likes awkward silences.
They say when you can just look at someone's eyes and stay comfortably silent, then that's special. I guess it must be. It doesn't happen very often with me. I must say, I'm a fan of conversations. So when I'm having a conversation that's interjected with comfortable silences, that's infinitely more special. Knowing that you don't need to say a word, yet there's still some kind of unspoken connection between the two of you. It truly is amazing to have found a person I can share that with.
It's funny that on this blog, I never really talk about her. Only fleeting mentions. Never an entry dedicated to her. Well, knowing me, really, it's not at all surprising.
Okay, some of you will be bored to death of this. But a tiny minority will have the patience or the romantic virus in them to read to the end.
I love how easy it is for her to fit in with my friends. And she loves it too. I guess it's also got to do with the fact that we're very comfortable with each other, and I'm very comfortable with my friends, so just leaping over one link, it's easy for both parties. She says my friends are 'effortless', meaning that she didn't feel intimidated, and she didn't feel the need to impress them, as they made her feel comfortable being a part of the group.
And it's amazing that she immediately felt at ease with Fee's family. That night at Soto Babu when me, Pill (that's her), Fee and her family went out and had ambuyat together, she was really just being herself. There was no or very little awkwardness there. And that was the first time.
I love how on the outside she is so bubbly and hyper, but on the inside she is this mature person who has a realistic view of relationships. I guess that's what we both are, realists. We aren't romantics. We don't celebrate monthsaries, six-monthsaries or anything like that. Maybe our first anniversary (haha), but that's a few months away. I'm not dissing anyone who does. I think it's sweet. But it's not for us.
The 'L' word is almost non-existent in our daily conversations. We have the same opinion on that. Saying it too much devalues it to the point of insincerity. To the point of worthlessness, where it becomes as cliche as 'good night' or even just 'hello.'
We don't have this conventional chauvinistic relationship where a guy has to do this and the girl has to do that. Y'know, when the guy has to be the gentleman and pay for the bill, and little things like that. We're not restrictive of each other. We don't have (metaphorical) leashes around each other's neck. Though we are a couple, we know that we are both still individuals who have our own personalities and differences. So I can just honestly say to her I don't like one of her shirts because it's ugly to me, or she can honestly say that she doesn't like this band I recommended to her because she thinks it sounds too emo. That honesty is refreshing. I don't have to lie about how perfect her face is (because let's face it, my face is much smoother. Haha. Never mind that it's rounder though. Haha) or anything like that. But then that's why I'm with her. Someone once said you like people for their good points, but you fall for them for their imperfections.
I call her Sleeping Pill, because I used to tell her she makes me fall asleep when on the phone. Haha. And she calls me Boo, because I look like a boo (a mujahid johar that has a stubble on its chin), not because 'You're my boo' as in boo the slang for partner. Heh. Our terms of endearment aren't actually endearing at all. Haha. Maybe we should just comply with cliches and go with baby or sayang or honey. Haha. Or, or. Honeycakes or muffinpie. Yay.
On a different note, I'm trying to install Linux Ubuntu on my laptop (well, with all its faults, it's become a desktop now. You try bringing a 22-inch monitor to Coffee Bean) when I realised that I had to create two partitions for it. Since I only have 120gb of space, I didn't have much space left after being used by things like music and applications. Okay. Right now I have two primary partitions.
One is being used by Windows, all its applications and my documents (~60gb with about 10gb free). The other is for my music (~53gb with about 100mb free). Yes, I have too much music.
The problem is I can't partition the one with windows, because I still need Windows. So I deleted all my music. Don't worry, I back up my music quite frequently. In my external hard drive I have about 65gb of music, that's about 14,000 files.
But then after I freed up that partition to be partitioned again into two, I realised that it means I have to use my external hard drive to play music, which would be such a hassle. So I cancelled my Ubuntu installation and am now copying back my music to my laptop. Never mind that I don't have enough memory to copy all of it. So now I have to be selective of my music. Huhu.
I need a new laptop. With at least 17 inches and 300gb hard drive. And oh, can also play Guitar Hero III.
And an iPod Classic so I can bring all my 14,000 songs with me. Right now I'm borrowing Farah's 4gb iPod Nano, with its glittery green Accessorize case that totally goes with my manly ego and animal masculinity.
Signing out
Over and out
They say when you can just look at someone's eyes and stay comfortably silent, then that's special. I guess it must be. It doesn't happen very often with me. I must say, I'm a fan of conversations. So when I'm having a conversation that's interjected with comfortable silences, that's infinitely more special. Knowing that you don't need to say a word, yet there's still some kind of unspoken connection between the two of you. It truly is amazing to have found a person I can share that with.
It's funny that on this blog, I never really talk about her. Only fleeting mentions. Never an entry dedicated to her. Well, knowing me, really, it's not at all surprising.
Okay, some of you will be bored to death of this. But a tiny minority will have the patience or the romantic virus in them to read to the end.
I love how easy it is for her to fit in with my friends. And she loves it too. I guess it's also got to do with the fact that we're very comfortable with each other, and I'm very comfortable with my friends, so just leaping over one link, it's easy for both parties. She says my friends are 'effortless', meaning that she didn't feel intimidated, and she didn't feel the need to impress them, as they made her feel comfortable being a part of the group.
And it's amazing that she immediately felt at ease with Fee's family. That night at Soto Babu when me, Pill (that's her), Fee and her family went out and had ambuyat together, she was really just being herself. There was no or very little awkwardness there. And that was the first time.
I love how on the outside she is so bubbly and hyper, but on the inside she is this mature person who has a realistic view of relationships. I guess that's what we both are, realists. We aren't romantics. We don't celebrate monthsaries, six-monthsaries or anything like that. Maybe our first anniversary (haha), but that's a few months away. I'm not dissing anyone who does. I think it's sweet. But it's not for us.
The 'L' word is almost non-existent in our daily conversations. We have the same opinion on that. Saying it too much devalues it to the point of insincerity. To the point of worthlessness, where it becomes as cliche as 'good night' or even just 'hello.'
We don't have this conventional chauvinistic relationship where a guy has to do this and the girl has to do that. Y'know, when the guy has to be the gentleman and pay for the bill, and little things like that. We're not restrictive of each other. We don't have (metaphorical) leashes around each other's neck. Though we are a couple, we know that we are both still individuals who have our own personalities and differences. So I can just honestly say to her I don't like one of her shirts because it's ugly to me, or she can honestly say that she doesn't like this band I recommended to her because she thinks it sounds too emo. That honesty is refreshing. I don't have to lie about how perfect her face is (because let's face it, my face is much smoother. Haha. Never mind that it's rounder though. Haha) or anything like that. But then that's why I'm with her. Someone once said you like people for their good points, but you fall for them for their imperfections.
I call her Sleeping Pill, because I used to tell her she makes me fall asleep when on the phone. Haha. And she calls me Boo, because I look like a boo (a mujahid johar that has a stubble on its chin), not because 'You're my boo' as in boo the slang for partner. Heh. Our terms of endearment aren't actually endearing at all. Haha. Maybe we should just comply with cliches and go with baby or sayang or honey. Haha. Or, or. Honeycakes or muffinpie. Yay.
On a different note, I'm trying to install Linux Ubuntu on my laptop (well, with all its faults, it's become a desktop now. You try bringing a 22-inch monitor to Coffee Bean) when I realised that I had to create two partitions for it. Since I only have 120gb of space, I didn't have much space left after being used by things like music and applications. Okay. Right now I have two primary partitions.
One is being used by Windows, all its applications and my documents (~60gb with about 10gb free). The other is for my music (~53gb with about 100mb free). Yes, I have too much music.
The problem is I can't partition the one with windows, because I still need Windows. So I deleted all my music. Don't worry, I back up my music quite frequently. In my external hard drive I have about 65gb of music, that's about 14,000 files.
But then after I freed up that partition to be partitioned again into two, I realised that it means I have to use my external hard drive to play music, which would be such a hassle. So I cancelled my Ubuntu installation and am now copying back my music to my laptop. Never mind that I don't have enough memory to copy all of it. So now I have to be selective of my music. Huhu.
I need a new laptop. With at least 17 inches and 300gb hard drive. And oh, can also play Guitar Hero III.
And an iPod Classic so I can bring all my 14,000 songs with me. Right now I'm borrowing Farah's 4gb iPod Nano, with its glittery green Accessorize case that totally goes with my manly ego and animal masculinity.
Signing out
Over and out
Thursday, August 7, 2008
Label Me Gone
I remember talking to Clive's dad at the Leaver's Dinner a couple of months back about vegetarianism. He said that he was half-vegetarian, which I didn't completely understand, but hey, I don't fully understand my vegetarianism myself. The thing that he said that struck me most was that why he became a vegetarian was not to make a difference to the world, but out of his own conscience. Which is true. It's what some people don't understand. That's why I'm a vegetarian.
I guess ultimately a lot of the little things we as individuals do to save the world won't make a significant change, but at least our conscience is cleared. At least we've done our part. If the other six billion are doing the same, only then will things change.
For me, vegetarianism isn't a choice. At least now it isn't. It's a way of life.
I'm quite flexible, really. By flexible I don't mean I would eat meat if the occasion calls for it. What I mean is that if I'm eating a Mee Goreng and there's a piece of chicken, I would just push the chicken to the side and eat the rest of the Mee Goreng. I'm not the type who won't even touch anything that touched a chicken wing.
I guess the label vegetarian is a bit misleading sometimes. There are people who think they know vegetarianism better than me, and in definition they do, but trying to put me into a label is very annoying to me. "Are you lacto-, vegan etc?"
So I fit into a label now? Thanks.
Labels are stupid when put on people.
Be it race, religion, nationality or even the food you eat or don't eat.
Labels destroy individuality. Individuality needs no labels. Because it's individual. Labels, stereotypes. One person said that stereotyping is still used because it is right. What the fuck are you on about? Stereotyping kills the concept of diversity. It belittles the million little things that make a person an individual. Being chinese doesn't make you a human calculator. Being malay doesn't make you late for every appointment. And being english certainly doesn't make you crave for tea all the time.
I'm Malay, I'm very, very punctual. Well, technically Malay isn't even a race, but that is besides the point.
I've been trying to educate myself in films right now. I've made myself watch a few classics, films people say are the all-time greats.
Firstly, 2001: A Space Odyssey. This took a lot of patience in me. I've seen the other Stanley Kubrick masterpiece, A Clockwork Orange, which I thought was brilliant. I have not seen The Shining. Back to 2001, the film I mean. This is more of a visual and musical experience than a story. And yes, it is beautiful, even by today's standard. I can see how it influenced other sci-fiction films like Sunshine. It's that shrinking feeling that you feel when you realise you're just an insignificant dot in this vast universe. But as I said, this film tested my patience. For one, it took five minutes before there was actually anything on the screen except the music. The scenes are slow and tedious. But the spaceship, wow. And what about the ending. The word 'Spaced' must have been invented from this film.
Then I saw the original Batman with Jack Nicholson as The Joker. I've mentioned this somewhere in my previous entries.
I've also seen Lolita, Monster's Ball, The Devil's Advocate, We Own The Night, Pulp Fiction, Monty Python: The Life Of Brian, Flags Of Our Fathers, The History Boys, The Bourne Ultimatum, The Italian Job (the original) and August Rush. Not just them, of course. There are films I've seen in the summer holidays that come highly recommended by me.
But there's also been some shit ones. Like...
Resident Evil Extinction, 10,000 BC... Well, thank jeez that I saw more goods than these two shockers.
Signing out
Over and out
I guess ultimately a lot of the little things we as individuals do to save the world won't make a significant change, but at least our conscience is cleared. At least we've done our part. If the other six billion are doing the same, only then will things change.
For me, vegetarianism isn't a choice. At least now it isn't. It's a way of life.
I'm quite flexible, really. By flexible I don't mean I would eat meat if the occasion calls for it. What I mean is that if I'm eating a Mee Goreng and there's a piece of chicken, I would just push the chicken to the side and eat the rest of the Mee Goreng. I'm not the type who won't even touch anything that touched a chicken wing.
I guess the label vegetarian is a bit misleading sometimes. There are people who think they know vegetarianism better than me, and in definition they do, but trying to put me into a label is very annoying to me. "Are you lacto-, vegan etc?"
So I fit into a label now? Thanks.
Labels are stupid when put on people.
Be it race, religion, nationality or even the food you eat or don't eat.
Labels destroy individuality. Individuality needs no labels. Because it's individual. Labels, stereotypes. One person said that stereotyping is still used because it is right. What the fuck are you on about? Stereotyping kills the concept of diversity. It belittles the million little things that make a person an individual. Being chinese doesn't make you a human calculator. Being malay doesn't make you late for every appointment. And being english certainly doesn't make you crave for tea all the time.
I'm Malay, I'm very, very punctual. Well, technically Malay isn't even a race, but that is besides the point.
I've been trying to educate myself in films right now. I've made myself watch a few classics, films people say are the all-time greats.
Firstly, 2001: A Space Odyssey. This took a lot of patience in me. I've seen the other Stanley Kubrick masterpiece, A Clockwork Orange, which I thought was brilliant. I have not seen The Shining. Back to 2001, the film I mean. This is more of a visual and musical experience than a story. And yes, it is beautiful, even by today's standard. I can see how it influenced other sci-fiction films like Sunshine. It's that shrinking feeling that you feel when you realise you're just an insignificant dot in this vast universe. But as I said, this film tested my patience. For one, it took five minutes before there was actually anything on the screen except the music. The scenes are slow and tedious. But the spaceship, wow. And what about the ending. The word 'Spaced' must have been invented from this film.
Then I saw the original Batman with Jack Nicholson as The Joker. I've mentioned this somewhere in my previous entries.
I've also seen Lolita, Monster's Ball, The Devil's Advocate, We Own The Night, Pulp Fiction, Monty Python: The Life Of Brian, Flags Of Our Fathers, The History Boys, The Bourne Ultimatum, The Italian Job (the original) and August Rush. Not just them, of course. There are films I've seen in the summer holidays that come highly recommended by me.
But there's also been some shit ones. Like...
Resident Evil Extinction, 10,000 BC... Well, thank jeez that I saw more goods than these two shockers.
Signing out
Over and out
Wednesday, August 6, 2008
In Nothingness
She screamed. But she could not even hear her own scream. Just an inaudible vacuum, a silent cry for help that fails to reach any expecting ears. Not even herself.
The silence felt eternal. As if it has been there, and will always be there for a very long time. For all eternity.
How she got here, she has no idea. She woke up to this- this vacuum, this nothingness as if she woke up on a normal Friday morning, unaware that she has drifted into a place void of any existence. She was just there, floating, unable to grab hold on to anything, because there was not anything at all. Did she even exist in this world where existence itself did not... Exist?
How could she call herself to be a being, if she could not even compare herself to another being? Another existing being. In her 'world,' she existed, simply because other things and other people existed. Everyone perceived her to exist. Now nothing can perceive her to exist.
"But surely, the fact that I'm thinking makes me an existing being?"
She managed to convince herself so, but with time that confidence lost its strength, and converted to a sense of resignation.
The silence felt eternal. As if it has been there, and will always be there for a very long time. For all eternity.
How she got here, she has no idea. She woke up to this- this vacuum, this nothingness as if she woke up on a normal Friday morning, unaware that she has drifted into a place void of any existence. She was just there, floating, unable to grab hold on to anything, because there was not anything at all. Did she even exist in this world where existence itself did not... Exist?
How could she call herself to be a being, if she could not even compare herself to another being? Another existing being. In her 'world,' she existed, simply because other things and other people existed. Everyone perceived her to exist. Now nothing can perceive her to exist.
"But surely, the fact that I'm thinking makes me an existing being?"
She managed to convince herself so, but with time that confidence lost its strength, and converted to a sense of resignation.
Tuesday, August 5, 2008
I Just Want One More
I want one more food fight.
I want one more night out at the Quarry.
I want one more time sitting at window sill soaking people with water guns.
I want one more game-watching session at Clive's room.
I want one more Radio Jay-G show in Geo's room.
I want one more corridor basketball shoot-out game.
I want one more sled ride down the hill near the Boat House.
I want one more day being woken up to a surprise from Headington.
I want one more time sticking all of Clive's stuff onto the ceiling.
I want one more night out playing Assassins.
I just want one more of everything.
Signing out
Over and out
I want one more night out at the Quarry.
I want one more time sitting at window sill soaking people with water guns.
I want one more game-watching session at Clive's room.
I want one more Radio Jay-G show in Geo's room.
I want one more corridor basketball shoot-out game.
I want one more sled ride down the hill near the Boat House.
I want one more day being woken up to a surprise from Headington.
I want one more time sticking all of Clive's stuff onto the ceiling.
I want one more night out playing Assassins.
I just want one more of everything.
Signing out
Over and out
Out Of Control
Brunei has been a mixed bag so far. A really mixed bag. Imagine this if you can. If Brunei was a real bag, then in it would be a mix of fresh horse shit and bars of heavenly dark chocolate.
Okay, I'm sorry. Don't imagine it. It's disgusting. And a worse analogy than the one about the kids and the shovel. No, you don't wanna know about that one.
We watched The Dark Knight again for the third time. Okay, okay. I talk too much about the film. But hey, it wasn't my choice, honest. It was the only film on when we got there. So there.
Sunday was good fun. We had a birthday doa selamat/bouncer thing for my third sister. It was an immediate family function, so I didn't feel that out of place as I usually do at weddings.
So far it's dark chocolate. Let's move on to horse shit.
There are things out of our control, that intentionally or unintentionally dictate our freedom. I can take it once. I can take it twice. Hell, I can even take it three times. But when it's close to or maybe even past double digits, it's hard not to suspect anything. It's hard not to blame anyone. So I blamed her, wrongly. And it felt good having someone to blame, because I had no other form of control over the situation. I knew the people who were in control. But I have no right to blame them.
I guess now I have no choice but endure this situation. Three weeks left, then I won't have this problem anymore.
Signing out
Over and out
Okay, I'm sorry. Don't imagine it. It's disgusting. And a worse analogy than the one about the kids and the shovel. No, you don't wanna know about that one.
We watched The Dark Knight again for the third time. Okay, okay. I talk too much about the film. But hey, it wasn't my choice, honest. It was the only film on when we got there. So there.
Sunday was good fun. We had a birthday doa selamat/bouncer thing for my third sister. It was an immediate family function, so I didn't feel that out of place as I usually do at weddings.
So far it's dark chocolate. Let's move on to horse shit.
There are things out of our control, that intentionally or unintentionally dictate our freedom. I can take it once. I can take it twice. Hell, I can even take it three times. But when it's close to or maybe even past double digits, it's hard not to suspect anything. It's hard not to blame anyone. So I blamed her, wrongly. And it felt good having someone to blame, because I had no other form of control over the situation. I knew the people who were in control. But I have no right to blame them.
I guess now I have no choice but endure this situation. Three weeks left, then I won't have this problem anymore.
Signing out
Over and out
Friday, August 1, 2008
The Riddled Craft
Okay. I'm still in Dark Knight fever mode. Haha. Especially when I heard this rumour going about. Johnny Depp is being tipped to play the Riddler in the next Batman film. How awesome would that be?
Last time they had the Riddler, it was played by Jim Carey, and he wasn't bad. But the film he was in was so bad. Arnold Schwarzeneger as Mr Freeze? George Clooney as Batman? Those were major casting errors. At least Uma Thurman as Poison Ivy was hot.
Heath Ledger, for an Oscar. I haven't been the only one saying it and thinking it aloud.
I watched the original Batman with Michael Keaton as Batman and Jack Nicholson as The Joker. And yes, Ledger's Joker is much better, much more scarier, and much more faithful to the comic book. Though Nicholson's version wasn't bad - in fact, it was rather good - it pales in comparison with Ledger's. I guess it's unfair to compare any villain with Ledger's Joker. Ledger's Joker is simply one of the best supervillains of all time.
Spider-Man used to be the best superhero film franchise around, with its deep storyline and a well-thought focus on Peter Parker's life as both a normal human being and as Spidey. It wasn't mindless. It wasn't just special effects galore. It had a real story in it. They're making a film on 'Venom,' that should be mighty interesting.
Now it's Batman's turn.
There has been a few bad superhero films over the years. Superman Returns was unbelievably boring. Catwoman, oh my fucking jeez. That one is unforgivable. Halle Berry won a Razzie Award for that film - for Worst Actress. I mean, to actually win an award for being so bad.
Fantastic Four is mindless. I didn't bother to watch the second one. The Silver Surfer looks like a cheap copy of the liquid metal Terminator from Judgment Day.
I need to get ready for work.
Signing out
Over and out
Last time they had the Riddler, it was played by Jim Carey, and he wasn't bad. But the film he was in was so bad. Arnold Schwarzeneger as Mr Freeze? George Clooney as Batman? Those were major casting errors. At least Uma Thurman as Poison Ivy was hot.
Heath Ledger, for an Oscar. I haven't been the only one saying it and thinking it aloud.
I watched the original Batman with Michael Keaton as Batman and Jack Nicholson as The Joker. And yes, Ledger's Joker is much better, much more scarier, and much more faithful to the comic book. Though Nicholson's version wasn't bad - in fact, it was rather good - it pales in comparison with Ledger's. I guess it's unfair to compare any villain with Ledger's Joker. Ledger's Joker is simply one of the best supervillains of all time.
Spider-Man used to be the best superhero film franchise around, with its deep storyline and a well-thought focus on Peter Parker's life as both a normal human being and as Spidey. It wasn't mindless. It wasn't just special effects galore. It had a real story in it. They're making a film on 'Venom,' that should be mighty interesting.
Now it's Batman's turn.
There has been a few bad superhero films over the years. Superman Returns was unbelievably boring. Catwoman, oh my fucking jeez. That one is unforgivable. Halle Berry won a Razzie Award for that film - for Worst Actress. I mean, to actually win an award for being so bad.
Fantastic Four is mindless. I didn't bother to watch the second one. The Silver Surfer looks like a cheap copy of the liquid metal Terminator from Judgment Day.
I need to get ready for work.
Signing out
Over and out
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