Lasting Nights, Blazing Seconds

Well, I’m one day late of the promised Sunday update on the second performance of our house play. Sorry about that, I think. Haha. You guys aren’t bothered anyway, I can tell. If my blog isn’t updated, you’ll just have a thousand different alternative blogs to read. Haha. Ha.

For starters, we performed to a very small audience. A modest thirty compared to Friday night’s two hundred. But that proved to work in our favour. It was a very good audience, much more responsive. It was satisfying to perform in front of them. They laughed at every joke, they appreciated every sentiment. They loved it. We loved it. I have to say, I have never felt so satisfied after any kind of performance in my life. I was literally bowing at the end with the biggest grin on my face that my lips could manage. I think because of the small size of the audience, we felt less pressure than the night before, and therefore weren’t afraid to experiment and just went for it. Everyone projected their voices better. Everyone interacted with each other much, much, oh so much better than Friday night’s. We articulated our lines better. Everything was just done better. We didn’t skip four pages like on Friday. There were no major cock-ups at all. Just plain lovely. Smooth sailing all the way.

Geo did his opening scene by replacing the phrase ‘English women’ with ‘English cunt,’ which was obviously much more offensive. Actually in the actual play, it was ‘cunt,’ not ‘women,’ but it got changed to try and not offend anyone. But a few minutes before the curtain opened, I said to Geo, “Are you gonna say cunt instead of women this time?” because he did contemplate it before.

“Do you think I should?” he replied.

“Go for it. If they get angry, just say you forgot to censor yourself and used the original lines instead,” was my stupid suggestion.

And so he did. I almost burst out laughing on stage. I had to control myself from giggling in front of the audience. I could feel the others were giggling off stage.

But then we found out Matt – our director – was holding his face in his hands not being able to believe that Geo had just said the word ‘cunt’ on stage. Geo quickly used the ‘excuse’ we had planned. A few people were sceptical. They had a right to be. But only Matt and our housemaster, Mr Vickers, were genuinely upset. Even the Headmaster didn’t get angry. He congratulated Geo’s performance on the way out. No one knew I was the one who made the final push to convince Geo to say it on stage. He was thinking about doing it, but he wasn’t sure before. And he did almost get into trouble for it. But since the play went so well – and the audience had no problem with it, in fact they loved it – Matt and Mr Vickers didn’t get so angry with him afterwards. He could’ve easily got suspended, or at the least, got given Headmaster’s Detention. Now I can just laugh thinking about it. The harm it would do to my conscience if he got to any kind of trouble.

And oh, thanks for Adi and Hanif for coming to see the play that night. I really appreciate it. Means a lot to me.

The after-party was okay. The lads had some Carling and Kroneunberg. I just had some Coke along with the third-formers. Haha. We had slices of pizza, a lot of Pringles, and a hundred other kinds of junk food. It went on till half past 12, after which we went to bed, to officially end what has been a genuinely fun and engaging few weeks in theatre.

Signing out

Over and out

Reviewing Hushes, Reminding Violence

I feel knackered..

Last night was good though. Not that it went perfectly. It was the fact that it didn't, and nobody noticed it didn't, was the most satisfying fact. In Act 1 Scene 11, my first big scene, Will Collins managed to skip four pages, without anyone noticing at all. I didn't. Half the cast didn't. Even the director didn't. We all had a big laugh after about it. It could've easily been a complete disaster, but it didn't.

I don't think I acted well though. And that was to be expected, I guess. My first play, my theatrical debut, and I was given quite a role. Not that it was massive. It was a supporting role. I had five scenes out of a total of 22, so I wasn't a pivotal character or anything. Looking forward to tonight's performance, and the inevitable chaos in the afterparty.

On a much darker note, some local people hanged about our school site. Some local youngsters - some would call them chavs - were walking around school with chains and hockey sticks, just looking for trouble and a fight. Jeremy Waterworth, a guy in our house, got smacked in the face with a hockey stick. He's in the Sanitorium now. Poor guy. His older brother, Sam, who's in my year, is surely really baited. I don't know. It's just..

It's not fair. Jezza (Jeremy) surely could've not done anything to provoke them. They were here for a reason. There's a lot of speculation on why they were here. But so far I've heard nothing solid. Maybe something will come out in the next few days.

Signing out

Over and out

Hushing Angers, Playing Nights

What a night.

We rehearsed the play till half past 12 at night yesterday, from 5 o'clock. We did two dress rehearsals and a lot of technical stuff to be sorted out.

Everyone was pretty knackered by the end of the rehearsal.

But it went pretty well, I must say. The actual performance is tonight. Slightly nervous, but hey, I know all my lines and all my cues. So pretty much up for it.

I'll update the story on the play maybe on Sunday..

Signing out

Over and out

Walking People, Talking Hearts

How did I forget to mention what we did on Valentine's Day? Haha

The way we celebrated it, it was more like Christmas, what with all the gifts exchanging [so many] hands. Mind you, it was fun.

At the stroke of midnight, in the eve of February the 14th, we gave our gifts and watched in glee the reactions of different people to different gifts. Adi got a Liverpool away shirt with his name and his number [3] at the back. That was cool. He got an iPod Shuffle for Kimy. And so the pattern goes on. Farah, Vanessa, Jenny, Daeena, Me, Ajis (Gaban), Tajus.. Zeerah joined in later in the night after she came back from Barcelona, Spain. We were there, exchanging gifts with one another. It did seriously feel like Christmas, although we didn't exactly celebrate Christmas with this many gifts.

I got a TMX Elmo, which I have named TK Maxx, which is a shop here which sells branded stuff for quite low prices. Haha.

The day itself - Valentine's Day, that is - was really quite fun. My Valentine for the day was Zeerah, and we really did have such a good time. And we didn't have to spend anything either, except for the Tube ride home, and two cups of Starbucks coffee.

I didn't actually plan anything for the day, because I was broke. Properly broke. It really frustrated me how broke I was.

But then, when she said she wanted to go to Starbucks, I had an unexpectedly brilliant idea. I said that we should go to the one near Paddington, in Little Venice. If you don't know what Little Venice is - and quite frankly, I'm not sure myself - it's a small canal with barges on both sides, and ducks swimming delightfully on the surface. And that made for a very romantic time for the both of us.

It was an unexpected savior. A place that never did occur to me at all when I was trying to plan what to do.

We ended up walking for what was maybe two hours along the paths following the river (canal?), watching the ducks dive into the water and then surfacing back up again, looking at the mural which was done with recycled litter. Just the silence and peace of it all. One unnoticed part of London which goes by quietly amidst all the chaos and hectic nature of the city.

Well, I'd love to go there again, to take a walk, and absorb the calmness of it all.

Signing out

Over and out

Snowing Plains, Throwing Hands

If you’ve been regularly reading my blog, you’ll know how much Salopians like to throw things at each other, be it food, sports equipment or insults. Come winter, and snow comes into that list. Yes, lads. Snowball fight season is in.

This is actually my first actual real-life encounter with snow, and it isn’t quite what I expected. I hadn’t expected, for instance, a snowball to have almost the same texture as cotton candy, only bitterly cold. It’s been snowing quite heavily here. So much so that the school’s cancelled Field Day, of which usually I have a day off. Now we have to go to lessons. Bloody ridiculous. You can’t go to Arts or Astronomy because there’s 15cm of snow covering the 200m journey, but you’ve got to go to lessons, which is probably more burdening because it’s 1km away from our house.

Actually, under school rules, snowfights are banned. But as they say, some rules are made to be broken.

Everytime we were outside, even inbetween classes, people were throwing snowball at each other. Even five minutes intervals between lessons were used to accommodate massive ten-a-side throw-a-thons. My hands go numb everytime I make a snowball. It’s good that Geo offered me his right glove because he’s left-handed. Amusingly, he took a food tray from KH, planning to use it as a sled later to slide down the hills that are abundant in school.

Of course, later, after I had taken a food tray myself, me and Geo went to the back of Main School Building, where the boat house was, just beside the river. We duly sailed down the slope using the 12x24cm trays, as chaos ensued. Then we used proper sleds, from Paddy, and another sixth form guy whose name I don’t know. That was serious fun. I snapped my middle finger after me and Paddy went side by side and my hands got caught under his sled. Of course, despite the injury, I came back up for more. We tried it on our backs, on our chests and on our butts. Geo and Paddy even tried it snowboard-style. Once I had to stop myself quite quickly because I wasn’t about to stop and I was heading straight into the river. Not in the slightest desire for hypothermia, I used the rubber studs of my turf shoes to avoid an ice cube sculpture of me floating on the River Severn.

At 2pm, Geo had to go to Art, and Paddy had to go back to his house. So I went to the area between Ridgemount and Science building, where a massive snow-fight was in progress. Ridgemount had one of those catapult things to launch massive snowballs. That was quite cool. The power on it, was just incredible. After that, the upper sixth was making a hugely humongous snowball, of which was later to be made into a snowman. But then some lower sixth guys decided to spoil the party and crash it with a big field-smashing thingy. What remains of the snowman, became a much larger snowball, and was rolled into KH. This you gotta see. It’s in my videos page, either already uploaded, or to be uploaded soon.

If it sounds like the school is a really big bundle of fun, that’s cause it is. For Physics today, we launched a rocket 500m into the air, just for the sake of it. For Mechanics, we watched an episode of Friends. For Chemistry, urm, we marked our past papers. For Pure Maths, urm, even worst, we did work on Differentiation. Okay, so it’s not completely fun and no work. But then with this kind of relaxed attitude, you’ve gotta wonder how the school earned its high reputation in academic and sporting excellence.

Life goes on as usual in Shrewsbury School. Banter, throwing stuff, that aloofness in the air. Having fun, acting insane. That sense of Salopian motto, ‘maximum yield with minimum effort.’ A motto I’ve been using a lot over the years. I think I’m suited to this school.

Signing out

Over and out

Thinking Vegetarians, Saving Definitions

Yesterday, I woke up at breakfast wearing a thin nike t-shirt and a pair of three-quarters. Not one to dress up and find stuff amongst the massive pile of clothes, I just grabbed a pathetic excuse for a hoodie jacket and put on some flip-flops, just like I always do every morning. But of course, it turned out to be a big mistake for that particular morning. It was literally ice cold. The grass pitch was covered with frost. By the time I got to KH, there was ice building up on my feet. A layer of frozen water over my lowest limbs.

That’s all the amusing things I can think of that happened to me in the last 24 hours or so. Unless you start being sad and ask me what I did at precisely 1.15pm today, and every half an hour after that, which I don’t think you are. Well, most of you anyway.

As my life has been bloody boring so far, I’ve decided to post another one of those ‘thinking’ entries. Just because I can. And because that’s the only thing I can. Think of. Right now. Really. Yes. I’m really. Out of ideas.

So. First topic. My vegetarian self. I am now a vegetarian for about one and a half months. I have not eaten any kind of animal carcass that has been cut up or minced or whatever. And to be honest, it has been easier than I first thought. Seriously. I don’t crave meat. I don’t crave chicken. I don’t think I’ve missed the taste of poultry and beef at all, to be honest, just to answer everyone’s question, “don’t you miss chicken/beef?.” I don’t. It’s as simple as that.

You know the kind of irritation you get when people try to irritate and annoy you but it doesn’t work, and because you know they try to irritate you, and it doesn’t work, but they still persist anyway, you get irritated because they just don’t get the point? Confused? Yeah, me too. I guess what I’m trying to say is that people have been trying to make me drool by trying to avert my attention to, say, an advert of a beef burger, or a kebab. And because it doesn’t affect my strength of will to remain vegetarian, I feel insulted because they think I can be tempted. Yeah, that’s the gist of it. It’s not so much irritation as a feeling of being insulted, I think.

Maybe the only real downside to being a vegetarian in school – especially being in a boarding school – is the abundance of crap food out there. Have you ever tried our school’s vegetarian cottage pie? Vegetarian mint sausage? No? Good. Don’t. Ever.

So why did I exactly become a vegetarian?

When people ask me that question, I just answer, “it’s just an impulsive thing. A sudden urge to become vegetarian”. A voice in my head that suddenly popped out that told me to become a vegan. Well, it isn’t exactly that way. I guess when I’m being honest to myself, I kinda knew I had it in me. I was going towards that direction anyway. The kind of music I was listening to. The gradual affirmation of mind of what I really believed in. The slow but sure change from a sceptic to a total non-believer in matters I will mostly keep to myself. The streaming of new and exciting ideas that I have absorbed, generally by self-discovery.

Sure, it sounds too heavy to be a reason why I became a vegan. But don’t forget. Being a vegan is a big commitment. Especially if you come from a country where meat is almost the staple food of the nation. I guess it needs a heavy change of mindset to become one. A total decisiveness and loss of agnosticism. But then again, impulsive changes can and have happened.

I did a blog entry some time back, about my love of metal. This is one of the reasons I became a vegetarian. I think I’m becoming a bit of a leftist. I’m one step closer to becoming the environmental Greenpeace member protester holding his big banner, giving a big middle finger to the nearby oil-rig. But I’m still very well far off from that.

Here are some excerpts from lyrics of songs that I guess, is kinda relevant to what I’m trying to say:

‘Blind to this impending fate,
We let the world carry our weight,
It’s back break with every mile,
But we all live in denial,
Can we be saved?
Has the damage all been done?
Is it too late to reverse what we’ve become?
A lesson to learn at a crucial point in time’
- Rise Against, song: Chamber The Cartridge (from the album, the Sufferer & The Witness)

‘We take our orders given by the queen,
We’re not the killers, we’re the worker bees,
If you resist us you will feel the sting,
Surrender now before the swarm sets in.
Protect the hive from the enemies!
Protect the hive from the enemies!
Follow the herd mentality,
Can we fight to save our souls?’
- Billy Talent, song: Worker Bees (from album, Billy Talent II)

‘Can you explain to me how
You’re so evil, how?
It’s too late for me now,
There’s a hole in the Earth, I’m out’
- Deftones, song: Hole In The Earth (from album, Saturday Night Wrist)

‘Why do they always send the poor?
… Hangers sitting dripped in oil,
Crying freedom
Handed to obsoletion
Still you feed us lies from the tablecloth’
- System Of A Down, song: B.Y.O.B. (from the album: Mezmerize)

‘Survived the plague,
Floated the flood,
Just peeked our heads above the mud,
No one’s immune,
Deafening bells,
My God, will we survive ourselves?!’
-Incubus, song: Light Grenades (from the album: Light Grenades)

‘Hope lies in the smoldering rubble of empires,
Back through the shanties and the cities remains,
The same bodies buried hungry,
But with different last names,
These vultures rob everyone,
Leave nothing but chains’
- Rage Against The Machine, song: Calm Like A Bomb (from the album: The Battle Of Los Angeles)

‘So are we lost or do we know,
Which direction we should go,
Sit around and wait for someone to take our hands and lead the way,
… wake up, wake up wake up,
Yeah, so sick of waiting,
For us to make a move’
- Lostprophets, song: Make A Move (from the album, Start Something)

Of course, I could go on forever, but I would just bore you, and there wouldn’t really be enough space in the blog.

Second topic..

I can’t think of a second topic to talk about. And I’ve already blogged so much here anyway

Signing out

Over and out

Approaching Curves, Telling Blurs

Rise Against
‘The Approaching Curve’

The music blared with a claming frequency
The speakers seeped the sounds of ambient keyboards and light percussion
Creating a seductive soundtrack to out midnight drive through curtains of blackness
The window were cold to the touch
Reflecting the icy conditions in our immediate extremity
Salt stains and fingerprints littered the glass
Streaks of melting snow cascaded down its length
The music pulsed louder but gentle
Like the faraway squeal of a pot of boiling water
The skyline was glowing faintly with vague hints of an impending dawn
The car raced along a painfully straight stretch of road
She hadn’t so much as turned the steering wheels two degrees in the last twenty minutes
Nor had we spoken

As we were
So perfect, so happy
They’ll remember only our smiles
Cause that’s all they’d seen
Long since dried, when we are found
Are the tears in which we are drowned
As we were
So perfect
So happy

“Why are you doing this?”
She spoke as if not expecting a response
Her voice penetrated the still air of our speechless driv
So suddenly that my heart had jumped
“I’m not doing anything” I said
But I didn’t believe that myself
“This is what’s best for me, for you, for us”
Or maybe just for me I thought
As a tear formed in the pit of her eye
The music poured through the speakers and we were losing ourselves in the cadence
She looked down momentarily and closed her eyes a bit longer than a standard blink
Then she was crying
Then she was shouting
Then I was shouting
Now pouring confessions
Having no answers or solutions
We barely even knew the questions

As we were
So perfect, so happy
They’ll remember only our smiles
Cause that’s all they’d seen
Long since dried, when we are found
Are the tears in which we are drowned
As we were
So perfect
So happy

Don’t put me underground
I was meant for a life somewhere else
Please love give me the wheel
Before both of our hearts you will steal tonight

Our cracking voices become part of the music
The car pressed on faster through the nights as our voices lowered
The cadence again overtook the air
Up ahead there was a curve approaching
She made no indications of stopping

------

I’m doing something new in this entry. I’ve been doing a lot of English essays for the past few weeks, and I thought, “How cool would it be to write on for a rock song I really like?”

So I thought I’d give it a try. The song is ‘The Approaching Curve’ by ‘Rise Against’ from the album ‘The Sufferer & The Witness.’
----

‘The Approaching Curve’ is a song of despair, of sadness and stagnant relationships. It is a lyrical interpretation of the inevitability of death, and the mask we put on ourselves in our everyday lives. Using the imagery of a car traveling on a highway, it successfully tackles those ideas, and concentrates it into a focused microcosm of human life, the end of a love relationship.

Using a first-person view for its narrative vehicle, this allows the listener to easily feel a sense of strong empathy towards the singer. The use of such a narrative device also allows for a very personal account of the story, as the listener is privy to the singer’s thoughts, but not to the other person in the story. The listener is moved to symphatise with the singer, not the other person. The listener is led to believe that the singer is justified in ending the relationship, even though the singer admits, ‘this is what’s best for me,’ and ‘maybe just for me I thought.’ The guilt shown by the singer further pulls away the listener from the girl, seeing her as unreasonable, irrational and emotionally unreliable afterwards.

The imagery of traveling is used extensively. The ‘painfully straight stretch of road’ signifies the state of the relationship which has gone stale and stagnant, obviously going nowhere, and is no longer exciting to both parties. ‘The vague hints of an impending dawn’ symbolizes a new start that has been waiting for the singer, of which is not yet clear to him, and as we later find out, he never achieves. The stereo of the car, blaring ‘with a calming frequency,’ is the symbolization of the relationship as a façade to the outside world. The relationship seemingly has been having troubles long before, but it is covered underneath smiles i.e. calming music. Music itself can be a façade. An image of created outer being. The music is covering all the cracks in their relationship – ‘our cracking voices became part of the music.’ It’s the smiles ‘that’s all they’d seen.’ The couples’ friends and family don’t and cannot see the buried sadness and stagnancy of the relationship because both of them are good at hiding it.

The inevitability of death is foreshadowed in the chorus. The listener finds out, after the second chorus, that it is about the impending death of the couple, which can be speculated to be from a fall off a cliff into a river, hence ‘the tears in which we are drowned.’ This also tells the listener how much sadness has been present in the relationship, so much so that they are drowned in it. The death by drowning is also foreshadowed by the image of ‘the faraway squeal of a pot of boiling water,’ of which ‘boiling signifies the end or climax of the story, the boiling point of the relationship, and of course, their impending doom. When ‘she made no indications of slowing,’ the listener is given the impression that the girl does not intend to give up the relationship. She is determined to hold on to it as long as she can. She wants to hold the steering wheel. When the singer asks her ’please love, give me the wheel,’ he is telling that the relationship has gone out of control, and she has got to give it up. And of course she doesn’t, which leads to their doom.

‘The Approaching Curve’ is the exploration of human emotions and the irrationality of it. It is the story of unwillingness to give up the facades of everyday life. The desperation to hold on to things that might not be beneficial to hold on to, but are the only things we can and want to hold on to. It is a song of despair, death and stagnancy.

------------------------------------------------------------

So there. Of course it's not as long as it should be (it's about 700 words instead of ~1000) and I didn't really do much effort to organise or plan it. I just wrote it on the top of my head.

Haha. It's a bit pointless, and really time-wasting, but it's fun

Signing out

Over and out

Throwing Hands, Hurting Eyes

Tea today managed to develop into a massive six-man bread-fight as each one of us started throwing pastry to each other. It started on the table, when Clive I think it was, dropped a pea into Lowco’s hot chocolate, and everyone just chucked peas to each other. Geo got hit in the eye by Paddy, Sam’s hot chocolate also got pea thrown in, along with Geo’s squash. And by the time we left the table, there were peas all over the floor.

As we were leaving, everyone started to take a piece of bread with them outside. As soon as everyone got outside, Geo with all his effort threw a big piece of carbohydrate to Lowco. I didn’t see which part of him it hit, but I wasn’t gonna stay and find out, because Geo started running and Lowco threw it back at him. Naturally, everyone joined in. Bread was flying all over the place, and I managed to hit Sam in the stomach and Clive in the face quite sweetly.

Enough of unsupervised violence. I need to go to the toilet for a while.

[long pause]

[flush heard]

[footsteps]

Okay, where was I? Oh yeah. Unsupervised violence.

Speaking of that, we’re gonna have our Mock European Conference dinner tomorrow, which I think, should be good. Or at least fun. Mock European Conference is something like BGIC, I guess. That’s the closest think I can think of. Maybe Model United Nations too. Our house seems to be taking this seriously. Well, at least Peter Stewart and Michael Webb are. They’re doing all the work, and I guess will do most of the talking on the actual day, which is on Friday. Expecting myself to fall asleep and have the audacity to join in the celebrations when our house wins the whole thing.

I have a tutorial tonight. I’m really not bothered. But then, I haven’t had a tutorial for a long time. Well, the last time I had one we went and watched The Last King Of Scotland at the cinema, so that doesn’t really count. Well, in Shrewsbury, it kinda does. I mean, a drink in the pub also counts as a tutorial. A meal at a restaurant is also a tutorial. It seems like you can do anything during tutorials with your tutor, except to be tutored

Signing out

Over and out

Feeling This, Remembering That

He looks at her. She sees nothing. She notices nothing. He dreams of her. She knows not. She knows not of how he feels. And of this he is both content and dissatisfied at the same time. He does not know whether to continue harbouring this feeling, or tell her everything, or to forget about it, for friendship’s sake. He chooses the latter, but fails. He fails to let the feelings fade. He fails to forget. But he says to himself he is content with her as a good friend.

He thinks he is falling back in love with her, when he thought it had faded away to tiny little pieces. It had come back. Stronger than before. He is reluctant to accept that fact, afraid to put the friendship in danger. He is afraid, always afraid of losing a friend like her. He thinks he would like her better as a friend. He knows he would like her better as a friend. And so he chooses again to let the feeling stay locked up in his heart.

He thinks of her, he doesn’t think of her. Then he realises he would then just go back and think about her again. He knows he has to let it fade. But he cannot. He does not know how to. He tries to spend his time in other distractions. He plays games. He does work. And he is happy. He forgets for a while. Then when he gets away from the distractions, the feeling comes back. He is frustrated. He looks at his picture with her. He remembers the times they spent together. It hurts him. It hurts him so much to know she would never accept him more than a friend. He realises this, and tries to denies this, but realises again it is almost impossible.

He turns on the stereo as loud as conditions would allow. He does not want to disturb his neighbours. They have their own worries to contend with too. He is not the only one with such problems. He is not alone. Yet he cannot talk with them. He does not want to. He is not comfortable talking about it. He knows he has only one person to talk to about it, but she is thousands of miles away. She knows. She has known for so long. She is his true friend in every sense of the word.

He does not want to disturb her at this time. It is probably early morning back where she is. She is probably asleep. Yet he wants to hear her voice so desperately. So badly. He tries not to relent, and he succeeds. And for one more day, he has survived the pain.

******

I found this when I was checking all my documents. Something I wrote a few months ago. I guess I’ll share this with you guys. Just don’t expect to tell me who it’s about.

Signing out

Over and out