Waiting The Night In Three Different Devices

I'm scared.

I'm here, sitting beside my grandpa's bed, in Ward 4 of the hospital, wondering, "what next?"
His words are weak, and he keeps on asking the same questions, and patiently we give him the same answers.

He's stable. I'm thankful for that. He looks like he'll get through.

But then, I'm still scared.

I wasn't in Brunei when my grandma died about four months ago..

Now, whatever happens, I'm here.

I'll stay here until tomorrow afternoon, then someone else takes over. It's like taking shifts, I guess.

I can't say much at the moment, because I can't really think..

Signing out

Over and out

The Strength & Weakness To Embrace Anger & Profanity

I’m getting tired of having to tell people I’m vegetarian. It’s worse when someone mentions I’m a vegetarian out of nowhere just as conversation fodder. I hate having to explain over and over again why, how and when I turned vegetarian. And when I finish explaining, they start making fun out of it. It’s so bloody fucking frustrating. I’ve got to the point when anyone tries to make fun of vegetarianism, I just can’t be bothered to fucking care. Fuck it, who cares what they think. They don’t know shit about vegetarianism, and they think they can just mock it as if it’s some crazy cult some hippie invented.

News flash. Aside from when I’m blogging or when someone brings it up as conversation fodder and specifically asks me what I think, I do not criticise people eating meat. Period. I might have critical views about it, but I wouldn’t lay it out for everyone to see. People can be so dismissive, it’s so fucking ridiculous. How would you feel if the fact that you need your meat to be slaughtered in a specific and designated way be criticised and teased? You’d feel pissed off, won’t you? Then fuck it, realise that by making fun of vegetarianism you’re essentially pissing all over my ethical beliefs and my way of living. I wouldn’t mind if someone tried to argue legitimately, by making legitimate points, instead of dismissing it straight away. And please, religious arguments don’t sway me, because admit it, nowhere does it say it’s ‘haram’ to be a vegetarian. This is as much an ethical choice as arguing if polygamy in this day and age is still appropriate and is not susceptible to abuse. And it fucks with my brain that sometimes in rare occasions, someone would argue against vegetarianism using religion, but fuck it, I know he’s chugging ten pints of Carling and doing it in six different positions with his girlfriend all the while he’s vomiting out this hypocritical bullshit all over my face.

And if the amount of profanity doesn’t show it, I tell you here and now, I’m fucking pissed off by all of this. So fuckfaces, if you don’t know what you’re talking about, don’t talk about it, because frankly, honestly and sincerely, I can’t fucking be arsed anymore.

Right now I still believe I will be vegetarian for life. No, don’t swing that piece of fried chicken in front of me. Believe me, I’m not tempted. At all. I’m more tempted to kick my own balls with a pair of army boots then stomp on my own face, if I’m being honest.

Signing out

Over and out

Tired & Thinking

You would think, that having your holidays would at least mean having a few days doing nothing, staying at home the whole day, renewing your bond with the TV and the microwave oven. But so far, twenty days later, I have had no such days. I've been one way or another out every single day.

There was this one day I almost got through without going out at all, but my parents had to ruin it by saying "Mau ikut jalan shopping?" 5 hours before midnight struck. Yeah, sure, I could've said no, but when parents say that, there's a chance you get to shop without spending your own money. Haha. Ho.

Weirdly, most of my going-outs have been food-related. Well, it isn't really weird, I guess. But the fact is, me being a vegetarian doesn't lend myself to a lot of choices. For example, at Excapade, out of a diverse choice of sushi and japanese food, I could only order three dishes.

Okay, sure, sushi is primarily fish anyway. Good point. But everywhere else, it's the same. So far, Caper's is the best place if you're vegetarian like me. At home, it's actually much worse. You can't get the kind of soy milk that acts as a substitute for cow milk. Bruneian veggie dishes are appalling on their own. Everything has chicken/beef/shrimp/eggs. And so on. I need to go. Sleep. Zzz.

Signing out.

Over and out

Cars & Carousels

Seeing that it was HM's birthday yesterday, we, the three MJs, went out to Bandar, y'know, just to get a taste of the festivities. And fuck, the capital didn't feel festive at all. It wasn't exactly dead, but it wasn't that lively. There was a lot of people, but there simply was just nothing happening. Meeting up with my other cousins felt awkward for me.

Y'know the connection people have with their cousins? Well, I kinda wish I have that with some of my cousins. Meeting them sometimes felt like just meeting an acquaintance. At least I had a bit of fun with the two other MJs, since it was a long time since we hung out together. Too bad the other MJ is in Kuwait. Happy 23rd birthday to her, by the way. Haha.

Since Bandar was too fucking boring, we decided to get something to eat in Kiulap, at Sugar & Spice. I was supposed to meet up with Fee & Dibs at Au Lait Cafe, but that didn't happen. Got back around midnight, and by the end I was so tired and full I crashed onto my bed straight away. Oh, by the way, the other three MJs are my cousins, Messoni, Nana (Mel) and Yayai (Melline). Cool, eh? Haha.

Signing out.

Over and out

Music & Masterpieces

Truth be told, I'm not much of a metalhead at the moment, what with the influence from my jazz-playing, punk-listening, ska-loving friend, Geo seeping in. I've not forsaken metal completely though. I still listen to my share of prog-metal and metalcore, and sometimes the odd death and thrash track. Trancecore is intriguing me at the moment, Enter Shikari being the main intriguer. I've also been listening to a lot less heavy stuff, like Arcade Fire and (+44). But it's me listening to the likes of The Streets, Norah Jones and Lloyd Cole that's been surprising even myself. I mean, how often is it that on someone's iPod does Norah Jones follow up to Avenged Sevenfold? I'm sorry if I'm name-dropping too much. It's just that it's easier to mention band names than explain their sound.

I mean, how do you explain a band like System Of A Down? Or Deftones? Categorisation in metal is becoming less and less relevant, I think, what with bands mixing and matching different sub-genres in an effort to create something new in an oversaturated industry. Hard Rock bordering on metal is becoming interesting, especially with bands like Madina Lake and Maylene & The Sons Of Disaster. Linkin Park's new album is disappointing. Nu Metal is truly dead. Metalcore is looking good. I've not made up my mind on Emo yet. Battle Metal is awesome because Turisas is absolutely magnificient. Thrash metal is still excellent. So is Death. Trivium will be future metal gods. And so ends my pointless commentary.

Signing out.

Over and out

Time & Taste

I went out today for the umpteenth time since I got back one and a half weeks ago, which I think is bloody impressive for a person who didn't bother to get his license, lives 45 minutes from anywhere in Brunei and is still supposed to be jetlagged. Oh well, stranger things have happened.

So I went out for dinner at Caper's at Kiulap with Fee and Afham - my treat - and we managed to have a good time. It was quite chilled. My first time at Caper's, and I think I quite like the place. Before dinner, I was at Coffee Bean in Gadong just doing some holiday research, and I bumped into Ruzaidah and Anisah, and I'm not kidding you, a few years back they actually formed a fan club of three, just for my hair. My freakin' hair, though I must say, it's quite flattering. When was the last time someone formed a fan club for a part of your body? Haha.

We actually chatted for quite a while in the Bean, before we parted ways. It's not often that I update my blog with pretty mundane stuff. Forgive me.

Signing out.

Over and out