The World Of Reality Television And Cheese

It is now time for the wondrous people of Beesknees to be introduced. It is said by the Chief of Beesknees, Watawaytorawk, that his people are descended from the remnants of broken televisions that were left by depressed plumbers. The television underwent rapid evolution, catalysed by the presence of an abnormally large chihuahua, whose pink sweater was too small for itself. This is why the Beesknees people have an inexplicably good knowledge on cooking shows and Paris Hilton. But suprisingly, their cooking is absolutely hopeless, its hopelessness only surpassed by the cooking skills of a demented scooter.

Now legend has it - and the Beesknees are known for their legends that usually turn out to be true to every detail - that the world was created by two bored satellite tv subscribers. After watching too many reality televisions that were neither very realistic nor interesting, they decided to make their own reality show, only with the people not realising they're in one. So they made the Universe and put Earth as the focal point. They actually experimented with a few planets and stars, but after the Martians found out their lives were being broadcast, they packed up and signed a tv deal with the rival tv channel. This led the two subscribers-now-mediagods to turn their cameras to the interesting but clueless people of Earth, which was named after one of the two media gods' dead cat that died of mice poisoning. Interestingly, the mouse which poisoned it has never been caught to this day.

The Beesknees are famed for being able to predict the future two whole seconds before it happens, although this proved to be not very useful and a lot more annoying. Imagine knowing you've seen that there'll be a giant block of cheese falling down on you, two seconds before it happens. You know the outcome, but is unable to stop or avoid it because you don't have the reflexes of a panther on an unlimited supply of espresso. So you die anyway of cheese-crushing, incidentally the third leading cause of death amongst Beesknees people. The first is the persistence to wear crocs, and the second is their hopeless cooking. It is adviced that tourists be aware of cheese, and never taste any food cooked by the Beesknees people, especially during the festival of cheese-worship. Now why they worship cheese is a mystery, even to them. Watawaytorawk suggests it might be out of fear, after the Massacre of 1845, where three and a half thousand people died of cheese-crushing when a hailstorm turned out to be the infamous cheddar storm.

******

I got bored.

Signing out.

Over and out.