Revelation In Consumption

Lunchtime today, had been a total revelation. It's one of those realisations that had to come, sooner or later. It's an unmistakable feeling of satisfaction, of knowing the value of questioning your own beliefs and then either adapting or strengthening that belief.

I've never really talked about this, but though I'm a vegetarian, I was getting less sure about why I'm still a vegetarian. It used to be very clear to me. Carnivorism was definitely wrong, that was what i felt. I felt very strongly against meat-eating. Simple enough. But recently though I still feel it is wrong, there's no conviction of belief anymore. It's almost something I take for granted. It's like believing that the world is round. It's true, and you don't doubt it, but you're not passionate about the belief.

I've thought long and hard, thinking of ways to affirm my vegetarianism, and I took the most drastic measure. I willed myself to eating chicken.

It was a Zinger Maxx from KFC. My first meat in two years.

And you know what? I didn't feel anything when I ate it. I didn't savour it, I didn't feel like I was missing out on anything. Maybe it's what vegetarianism does to you, but eating it felt like eating... Nothing.

I didn't crave it. I never craved it.

I realised that my craving to chicken prior to my vegetarianism was a product of social conditioning, of an environment that worshipped KFC and Nasi Ayam and Butter Milk Chicken. My 'need' for meat was an illusion that I crushed after two years spent avoiding it.

Five minutes after that came the reaffirmation.

I felt physically and emotionally sick. Going up the escalator, the word 'Zinger' conjured images of physical mutilation, forced abnormal growth and overpopulated cages. Okay, maybe KFC Brunei gets its meat from a more ethical source, but still, to me, the concept of consuming another living being that has its own social structure, community and intellectual capabilities, was just sickening.

So the most important thing that has come out from this is that not even deep inside do I crave chicken or beef or lamb. It was a realisation that probably comes once in a lifetime.

It's sickening.

But I can't and will not judge people who does not share the same belief as me. I know that well enough.

Signing out

Over and out