The Senseless Universe

Did you know that our world does not make sense? This was recently proved using a mathematical equation that is longer than Homer's Odyssey. This find is credited to Professor Bob Builder of the Department Of Trivial Research and Analysis at the University Of Oxford. He first thought of the equation while eating a chicken burger that incidentally was unwittingly processed using the same equation. The producers of course knew nothing about the significance of the equation, thinking it was only a way to calculate how proportional the texture of the chicken is to the overall happiness of the mate of the chicken.

Now the senseless nature of the world has been postulated, contemplated, theoreticised, speculated and noted on a napkin many times, but until recently scientists and botanists alike though no such equation exists. Builder claims that his equation though long and epic, can be understood by a celebrity chimpanzee because it is arithmetically simple. There are only 5 variables, only 4 dimensions are used, and 4,324 mathematical functions used.

In his book, 'The World Is Senseless So This Book Is Inevitably Nonsense,' he claimed that life is equally nonsense. This can easily be proven by the existence of wars, famine, evening soap operas and late trains. He also uses the Albert Argument, that if life made sense, then most of us would've already committee suicide by the age of ten. Builder also points out the Sense And Sensibility Paradox, that if life makes sense is a fact, then this fact is nonsense, thus contradicting itself. This would create a Reason Paradox Hole, that would make the whole universe implode. An imploding universe has not been observed, so life does not make sense.

There is also the issue of crocs. Builder suggests that the horrific nature of crocs is an abomination, that it makes no sense for the Universe to allow for them to exist.

****

Signing out.

Over and out

The World Of Reality Television And Cheese

It is now time for the wondrous people of Beesknees to be introduced. It is said by the Chief of Beesknees, Watawaytorawk, that his people are descended from the remnants of broken televisions that were left by depressed plumbers. The television underwent rapid evolution, catalysed by the presence of an abnormally large chihuahua, whose pink sweater was too small for itself. This is why the Beesknees people have an inexplicably good knowledge on cooking shows and Paris Hilton. But suprisingly, their cooking is absolutely hopeless, its hopelessness only surpassed by the cooking skills of a demented scooter.

Now legend has it - and the Beesknees are known for their legends that usually turn out to be true to every detail - that the world was created by two bored satellite tv subscribers. After watching too many reality televisions that were neither very realistic nor interesting, they decided to make their own reality show, only with the people not realising they're in one. So they made the Universe and put Earth as the focal point. They actually experimented with a few planets and stars, but after the Martians found out their lives were being broadcast, they packed up and signed a tv deal with the rival tv channel. This led the two subscribers-now-mediagods to turn their cameras to the interesting but clueless people of Earth, which was named after one of the two media gods' dead cat that died of mice poisoning. Interestingly, the mouse which poisoned it has never been caught to this day.

The Beesknees are famed for being able to predict the future two whole seconds before it happens, although this proved to be not very useful and a lot more annoying. Imagine knowing you've seen that there'll be a giant block of cheese falling down on you, two seconds before it happens. You know the outcome, but is unable to stop or avoid it because you don't have the reflexes of a panther on an unlimited supply of espresso. So you die anyway of cheese-crushing, incidentally the third leading cause of death amongst Beesknees people. The first is the persistence to wear crocs, and the second is their hopeless cooking. It is adviced that tourists be aware of cheese, and never taste any food cooked by the Beesknees people, especially during the festival of cheese-worship. Now why they worship cheese is a mystery, even to them. Watawaytorawk suggests it might be out of fear, after the Massacre of 1845, where three and a half thousand people died of cheese-crushing when a hailstorm turned out to be the infamous cheddar storm.

******

I got bored.

Signing out.

Over and out.

York Is Not New

Two weeks of inactivity.

Whoa.

You know, I quite admire the skill of the bus drivers in London. Granted, they may not be the most graceful - braking every two seconds and looking like they're about to hit a pedestrian a second - but their ability to navigate through London and its jungle of badly-parked cars and light-ignoring pedestrians are second to only the cyclists. I think London cyclists are suicidal. And one more thing. Whose bright idea was it to put the bicycles on the same lane as the buses?

It's almost Raya. I've got a choice between bright green and bright pink for my baju melayu. Not very conspicuous, then. I remember running along Edgware Road with Dibah with our traditional dress on, and the looks we got from people were something from a Mastercard ad - priceless.

I can't wait to go to York. York.

Signing out.

Over and out.

What The Fuck Did I Do

I'm not feeling the best of moods right now.

I wish I had a pencil, an eraser, and a piece of paper right now. I feel so itchy to create something, an image of sorts.

I guess I'll have to do with Paint.

I don't wanna draw. Let's just use words.


WHAT THE FUCK DID I DO?

Signing out

Over and out

The Curse Of The Washing Machine

Yumnie's silhouette is shown here, with the backdrop, the Alaska Factory. Anyone knows what that is? Cause I don't.

I'm not a photographer. I suck. That's why I'll settle with a 3.2 megapixel cameraphone. At least if the photo is bad, I can blame the camera. I'll probably wreck a DSLR camera in the first two hours.

Yumnie, Fatin and K-Rol came this morning all the way from Brunei. I'm waiting for Yumnie to miscall me so I can lend her my mobile broadband and show her how the washing machine works.

It's like the good old MS days. Not quite, but close enough.

Signing out

Over and out

In All Its Wackness

I have not updated in exactly a week. Hahaha.

So much to do, surprisingly. I went to Oxford three times already to meet with Pill, who has already started school, in the past week alone. I went with Dibah to see her new house. Which looks cool. It seems to be a very social, communal place. I sorted out my accommodation, I think. Just waiting for York to allocate me a room. Then I'm all set. I might see Geo this weekend. He's moving in to Wimbledon.

I've watched The Wackness and Step Brothers, both films in Oxford. The Wackness is really good. Ben Kingsley is amazing. Famke Janssen, I've never seen her outside of X-Men, and she's actually not bad at all. Step Brothers is so implausible, it's actually funny.

I'll put on a longer post soon. Some people I know are arriving today from the airport :D

Signing out

Over and out

Communication Maximisation

I'm in Londontown now.

Didn't miss this weather at all.

I got a new phone, and with it, a new phone number:



The phone, a Sony Ericsson K770i Cybershot, is not bad at all. I love the thing. I really like a point-and-shoot camera like the Cybershot, with its vivid colours and superb lighting. The N91 was horrible, even when compared to other 2 megapixel cameras. My old Sony Ericsson W220i Walkman took solid pictures.

So maybe 3.2 megapixels is a bit outdated, especially when Samsung has come out with its new 8mp camera. But hey, for a phone, 3mp is enough for me.



I think the slide cover is a nice touch.


And oh, the new phone is out of necessity.

Next on my list, new speakers.

And oh, oh.

Remember when I talked about the shoes Marty was wearing in Back To The Future? This entry right here?

It's officialy out! Apparently it was used by basketballers in the Olympics. I want it. £85 a pair. I want a pair.

Too bad there's no blue and white.



I really do.


Signing out

Over and out