Race You To The End

Now this is a bit of an eye-opener.

Most anthropologists believe there is actually no such thing as a Malay race. So what does that make us then?

I think it's interesting to bring this up because it certainly crushes any justification for racism - if there was even any - by us 'Malays.' I mean, if we're not ourselves any specific race, or more accurately a mixture of the very different ethnicities we mock, then racism in itself is a self-mockery of our very own muddled and confused identity.

When we speak of the 'Malay' race, we are really just referring to a group of people who speak a similar type of language. That's it. There are no other exclusive similarities inside 'Malays' that even merit for us to have a race of our own.

From what I understand, what we understand to be Malay is really just descendants of the Southern Chinese and to an extent the Africans. The scientific anthropological names for the Malay 'race' itself is very revealing. Malays are classified as Australo-Melanesians and Austronesians, which roughly means we're descended from the Africans and the Chinese.

Any anthropologists are welcome to correct me if my understanding is wrong, but I do believe then that the concept of the 'Malay' race is an illusion.

I guess some people will find this hard to swallow, especially people with a strong sense of racial identity. And I know some people would choose not to believe it.

Honestly though, I don't really care.

The idea of race does not appeal to me. This classification through things like skin-colour, language and place of birth, it doesn't really make sense in the 21st century. People will defend it, because they think it is a part of their identity.

It's not the race that is our identity. It is our culture. The thing is, identity itself is supposed to be an individualistic notion, not a collective description of similar people. National identity is very similar to a very common crime we all know as stereotyping.

I'm hungry.

Signing out

Over and out

Quotable Destruction

It's easy to sound intelligent in a few words. It's harder when you have to keep it up for a whole conversation. Hence why people love to quote. Quoting people make them feel they're associated in terms of intelligence to the person they're quoting. Not dissing people who quote, but that's what we all feel. It's that false sense of intelligence, that surge of confidence that you're somehow in the company of people like Oscar Wilde and Aristotle when you quote them.

Not that I read Oscar Wilde or study Aristotle. Hahaha. Though I quite like Wilde's quote:

'Disobedience is Man's greatest virtue'

Heh. Lovely quote. Gives me an excuse to do basically anything. Haha.

I guess that's one of the measures of successes, how quotable you are. The more quoted you are, the more well-known you are. But that doesn't necessarily mean more liked. Take George W. Bush for example. His Bushisms are legendary. They undermine his intelligence and ability to lead correctly. I think you'll find these 'gems' quite memorable:

"I can only speak to myself"

"You know, one of the hardest parts of my job is to connect Iraq to the war on terror"

"You work three jobs? Uniquely American, isn't it? I mean, that is fantastic you're doing that" - to a divorced mother of three

"In my line of work you got to keep repeating things over and over and over again for the truth to sink in, to kind of catapult the propaganda"

He's a funny guy, Bush. A proper red-neck he is.

I guess I better go and do some Chemistry. I've got retakes tomorrow.

Signing out

Over and out

Educations In Separation

I guess I've already said it a few times how I don't believe in exams. How I don't think exams are the proper calibrating tool to recognise intelligence. And reading Zayn's blog about made me think that I should take a deeper look into it in my blog.

Obviously, I still don't believe in it. Nothing's changed about that. So basically here instead of dropping a line on a blog about school, I'll write an entry specifically about exams.

First of all, I don't believe in exams not out of spite. I'm not being whiney about it. It's not the immature hate that people have for exams. It's a sincere disbelief and lack of trust of exams as a means of properly cultivating intellectual discussions, promoting academic excellence and a reliable system of intelligent calibration.

There a few points to make to support this view of exams as a negative and counter-productive tool for education:

- Like in the British education system, and in the Brunei education system, school life and the education in it is aimed very narrowly at trying to pass exams to go on to the next level, whether it to be the next grade, university or well-earning job. The main focus is to get the sufficient grades to have a better career. This isn't really a bad thing, but that is the bonus of education, not the main point of it. Education is a means of improving society by stimulating intellectual discussion about issues that concern society. It is also a means of educating oneself to prepare for the real life, for practical things. Not just facts and numbers.

- The amount of work to be done to prepare for exams are enormous. All for one paper that can determine what your next step will be. It does not take into account anomalies, the inconsistency of candidates. It does not take into account that one day can make a difference between an A-grade (or 1st) and B-grade (2nd). Illness, depression, state of mind. All can change in a few hours. By using a coursework-oriented course, such inconsistencies can be evened out over the space of a few weeks or months.

- The amount of fact-memorising is ridiculous. As one person pointed out, even professionals refer to books. Professionals. Then why do students, out of all people, have to remember obscure facts, numbers and names that in the course of their actual career can be easily referred to by using a book?

- The system is easily abused through fact-regurgitating. A person that can remember things very, very well might benefit from such a flawed system. Yet an intelligent person who has trouble remembering stuff might be crippled by such a system's dependency on fact-regurgitation.

There is a reason why sometimes I feel revision is a waste of time.

Signing out

Over and out

When Nothing Comes To Mind

You know what.

I think I'm not as outspoken as I used to be on my blog. And it kinda bugs the hell out of me.

I remember the ill-advised rants about vegetarianism (I'm a vegetarian). I remember expressing my view about gay rights. And I remember cursing the racists for their elitism. Okay, sure, none of my opinions have changed. Yet I have not found anything like that to talk about.

I did rant about forwarded e-mails, but c'mon, that's something trivial.

I guess a part of me has mellowed down. Maybe it's because of Pill. Or maybe that anger has disappeared out of disappointment, knowing that sometimes certain things you can't change through an entry. And maybe it's because I don't like to repeat myself, and I've run out of issues to discuss.

This is one about homosexuality, and this one is about vegetarianism.

I think having a blog is more than just being a way to update people on how you are doing. I guess that's obvious to most people. But yet, many don't take advantage of that fact. I use mine to let people read my stories, to entertain even. Okay, I do admit sometimes my blog is terribly dull. C'mon, I've got my down days, where I don't have anything to write except my dull, unexciting day.

I'm thinking I will put a section on the side for all my stories, where I'll put links to them. I think that will be awesome. I might just do that now.

Signing out

Over and out

EDIT:

I've done it. I've linked to all my stories and other stuff, on the side, in a section called Written To Be Read. Read this one first: The Finer Story Of True Love. I sent it to the.. I can't even remember what the society is called now. Oh, the Sidney Carton society in school which focuses on writing short stories. They let me in, so I'm thinking it must worth something. Hahaha.

Tell me what you think, if you're bothered. And if you have the time, and I know most of you do (Hahaha), read the others.

The Mighty Warlord Wants To Speak With You

It's end of term, which means the troublesome end-of-term packing is in order. And this of course involves the messy ordeal of trying to cram everything under the bed and make as though not a soul is living in your room. As fun as this sounds (haha), I had to take a rest, and get some thoughts onto my blog.

I've got a new neighbour, and to welcome him, I've put my music on very, very, very loudly. And I'm planning to do this until late. He is none other than the infamous Alan Lau, who had come up with the brilliant question of 'how would you feel if you wake up with only one testicle?' in the middle of our mock European conference. He has also enlightened us with facts like most Australians are Germans, Brunei don't have running water, and charity is evil.

From one genius, to another in the form of George W. Bush. I find his pearls of wisdom too enticing and enlightening. Here are some that I hope you'd find incredibly inspiring:

"You know, one of the hardest part of my job is to connect Iraq to the war on terror"

"I can only speak to myself"

"It's in our country's interests to find those who would do harm to us and get them out of harm's way"

I've got a poster on my wall quoting more from - as Borat calls him - the Mighty Warlord. Never fails to brighten up my day.

Michaelmas term is almost over. I wanna get out of this place for four weeks. Oh wait, I am.

Signing out

Over and out

Contrived & Conclusive

I feel so distant sometimes. Just with everything. Reality seems further than it is. It feels like even reality isn’t real anymore. Everything feels so… Contrived. Imagined, even. Nothing else exist. Just my mind, imagining that everything exists, to not feel lonely. And not feel empty. I can never be sure I’m real, let alone everything else. Even nothing seems wrong. It implies absence, and therefore it doesn’t necessarily mean non-existence. It’s absurd. Sometimes I don’t know why I think the way I think. Other times I completely understand why. This is the time when I’m in between the two states of mind.

Can I ever be sure everyone that I know isn’t a figment of my imagination? A personified ideal that my mind had created to fill that inner void, perhaps.

I feel so separated and detached from my body, it feels unreal. Pain, pleasure, it’s all in my mind. The fingers that are typing the words now, they feel like they’re not a part of me. Like they are just parts of machinery that I’m operating from my mind. I’m the machine-operator of my own body, pulling levers and pushing switches in my head to make the right movement and reflexes. Almost like I’m playing with a remote-controlled robot.

Sometimes I feel that nothing in the world matters. That existence is illusory. That life’s goals are just distractions to keep us busy till the day we die.

It all sounds a bit depressing, I know, but it doesn’t exactly feel that way. It’s more apathy than anything. I’m not suicidal, but I feel like ending my life right here right now won’t really matter much to the grand scheme of things, if there ever was one.

Moving to reality, if it exists.

We are just a tiny speck of dust, us humans. Still we get cocky. Still we act like we own the world. Like we own the universe. We act like gods. Sometimes worse. We commit unspeakable atrocities, then we say we do them in the name of our God. Observe, 9/11, the Crusade, the Holocaust. We wage wars against one another, to prove whose God or gods are better. History will always be rewritten by the victors of wars. Imagine if Hitler won the war. We’d be reading history books on how the Allies were unjust, polluted minds bent on destroying an ideal, a Nazi government that was and always had been (claims the book) right all along.

We divide ourselves in groups of race, religion, nation and political ideas. We shoot each other down in a typical ‘I’m definitely right because I’m stronger’ manner. That’s the decaying human race, ladies and gentlemen. Fighting against each other just to prove whose cock is bigger, and about other petty things.

The world is dominated by testosterone-driven, egoistic principles, people bent on being selfish and as rich as possible. Capitalism cripples the poor. It strengthens only the rich. Moral virtues are now considered for the weak, for hippies. Concern for others is way under the list of priorities. Human rights are constantly being ignored. We are also crippling the environment, with our reckless polluting and wasting. We indulge ourselves in the illogical reasoning that saving the world is not reason enough to start changing our lifestyles.

Anyone thinking or acting or even appearing differently from us is automatically exiled, questioned and shot down. We are self-centred and narcissistic creatures. That’s why we are one of the only creatures to have self-awareness when seeing the mirror. We are vain, self-absorbed beings.

Apathy is the main problem with most people. We are indifferent to everything. We shut ourselves out from the everyday massacres, wars and famine, and act like nothing’s happening. We watch the TV, see a starving child in Darfur on the news, say “Oh my god. Poor kid,” and then change the channel to watch what else is on. It’s not happening to us, so why should we be worried about it, we convince ourselves.

We concern ourselves with news of famous people dating other famous people. We concern ourselves with news of our favourite football team winning against the other football team. But why not, for a few moments, concern ourselves with news of the world’s real concerns? Just for a few moments, pick up the newspaper (not the tabloid), read about what’s going on around the world, and don’t start with the back page either. And after that put the newspaper in the recycling bin. How hard will that be?

Moving away from human indifference, if we can ever move away from it.

I feel empty sometimes. Well, most of the time. Like there’s a void waiting to be filled. Partly because my best friend is halfway across the world. But a lot of it also centres on the fact that I don’t have someone to call just to say good night. I wanna fall in love again. I guess that’s what I’m trying to say. Because falling in love would instil some sense of reality back into me. Because it’d fill that void. For a long time I have thought, I can be happy when I’m single, which is true. I am happy with my life. But being happy with it doesn’t necessarily mean there’s nothing I would add to it.

I don’t know. I’d like someone who would put her head on my shoulder, while we look up at the sky, talking about our dreams and ambitions. I guess I already have friends to do that with, thought they won’t necessarily rest their heads on my shoulder. I am so thankful for my friends. They make me look back and feel glad that I feel that I would never change anything that I’ve been through, just because it’s made me to who I am today. I am happy with myself. What makes me somewhat a liberal humanist is the fact that I value relationships over other things.

I love you. Whoever you are.

These are little snippets I wrote for certain people for Valentine’s Day, probably two Valentines ago. I won’t reveal who they’re for, but they’re people who’ve made a special impact on my life, just for being in it.

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Melodrama of one's silence
The turnaround of the day
A guilty pleasure in seeing you cry
It breaks my heart

The words of my needed solace
The voices inside of me
Call your name in an endless loop
It breaks my heart

A war for my Valentine
A resolution is what we need
Feelings that are mine
They tell of an angel's deeds

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The words of a jovial angel
Brings solace to a grateful friend
A smile just so ethereal
Motivation for this tired soul

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A sweetness defined by endless smiles
Enthused with a touch of vivid cheerfulness
An amiability defined by amicable laughs
Inspiration for a friend by joyfulness

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Reminiscent of the afternoon conversations
Gratitude for the affable friend
The melancholic state of mind is eased
By the willingness to listen

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A fair innocence brings joy
As a friend in innumerable circumstances
A thousand angels could never replace
A million thanks would never suffice

-----------------------------

Thanks everyone, for just being in my life. I really do appreciate it.

As they say, a stranger is only a friend who you’ve never met before.

Signing out

Over and out

Horrifying Tortures, Wiring Brains

I was reading Dibs’s blog, and thought “well, she didn’t get my point.” Haha. In a sense, yeah. Sorry, but I’m not just against the killing of animals. I’m against the extremely unethical, unfair and monstrous ways companies treat the animals.

I’m sorry if you think it’s okay that animals should suffer months, even years, of insanity-inducing confinement just so that we could have a snack. I don’t think it’s fair that animals should only be allowed to roam in a chicken coop full of hundreds or even thousands of other chickens on their own excrements and the corpses of other chickens. I’m against the way chickens are given chemicals so that they grow at an absurdly abnormal rate, so much that their own feet can’t support their own weight, and they become crippled because of it.

I’m against monkeys having their scalps removed and their brains connected with wires and bolts to a computer so that we can study how the brain works (yes, this is real. I’ll show you the video if you want). I’m against dairy cows being impregnated annually just to keep the milk flowing, and then have their babies taken away from them to be auctioned. I’m against cattle being castrated (having their testicles cut off, seriously) and their horns cut off so that when they go insane out of lack of stimulation, they won’t hurt themselves. I’m against them made insane because they are put in cages so small they can’t turn around or even lie down properly.

I’m against egg-laying chickens kept in cages no bigger than a TV filled with 5-7 other chickens. I’m against them being starved of food for two weeks if the rate of egg-laying decreases, just to speed up the production. I’m against sheep having pieces of their flesh being cut off to remove maggots because of infection while they’re still alive, just because the farmers aren’t responsible enough to properly sanitise and clean them.

Animals were not made to be tortured by human beings. Slaughtering them might even be the most humane thing we can do them, considering the amount of suffering they’ve been through before the slaughterhouse. The Prophet (SAW) did not live in a time of when animals are subjected to such suffering. Cattle, sheep and chickens were allowed pretty much to roam, and be natural. Religiously, animal torture for the production of food was never condoned.

The greedy nature of big companies (and even small companies) to meet the demands of the public for meat and therefore make massive profits, have taken away their morality and humane side.

And one more thing. If you think you can be an environmentalist without being a vegetarian, you’re so misguided. To produce a single hamburger, you need to use up enough fossil fuel to drive a small car 20 miles and enough water for 17 showers. 125,000 square miles of rainforest per year is being destroyed to make room for the meat industry. To produce a pound of meat, 2500 gallons of water is needed. To produce a pound of wheat, only 25 gallons is needed. Animals raised for food produce 130 times more excrement than the entire human population.

I’d rather sacrifice my meat-eating, than have the torture of innocent animals on my conscience. It’s just a small sacrifice for me to make. And I love myself for it.

Signing out

Over and out

Changing Hearts, Rising Against

There has never been a video that have ever made such an impact on me more than Rise Against’s video, ‘Ready To Fall.’ I’m now in the transitional state from vegetarianism to veganism. Vegetarianism was easy. I only had to give up meat. I didn’t crave meat at all after that. It only affected me in that respect. Only food.

Now veganism is much, much more intense. This will probably the single biggest change in my life. I’m not exaggerating. This is gonna be the single hardest change I’m going to make to my lifestyle.

Veganism involves a lot of things. It involves not wearing any clothing made of leather or wool, and definitely not fur. This means I will probably have to check my wardrobe for anything that was made from either leather or wool, and just not wear it ever again. If what I heard of Nike shoes is true, that means I have to give up Nike shoes. If you know me well enough, you’ll know I bought a lot of Nike shoes in the past. Damn.

I won’t drink milk and eat cheese again. I won’t eat eggs (I never liked them anyway) and I won’t eat fish. I will probably never wear sports shoes from Nike or Adidas, if I have my sources right. I won’t buy stuff in KFC, even French fries or mashed potatoes. I’m gonna have to check every single piece of clothing’s tag to check if they’re made from wool every time I want to buy a new shirt or anything. I’ll never buy toothpaste that doesn’t say ‘Not tested on animals’ or ‘Cruelty-free.’ I’m gonna buy all my shampoos and stuff from The Body Shop (which I’ve already done anyway, and I absolutely love it :P ).

Damn. Fuck-a-doodle-do. This is gonna be one fucker of a task.

I’m gonna have to change the strap of my Swatch for a start. It says genuine leather in the back. All day I felt like throwing it away. It feels disgusting now to have it on my wrist. I think I might have to buy new school shoes. It looks like it’s made of leather. Urggh..

I’m sorry if it reads like a list. I kinda am making a list for myself, of what to do and what not to do.

I’m proud that the kind of music I listen to, is actually very much associated with veganism, radicalism and environmentalism. Punk rockers like Rise Against, Goldfinger and Billy Talent are all vegetarians. So are members of Killswitch Engage, As I Lay Dying and Hawthorne Heights. Well, not all the members. There are other popular artist as well who are vegetarians. Forest Whitaker (The Last King of Scotland, won an Oscar for that), Jorja Fox (CSI), Sophie Ellis Bextor, Jamelia, Joss Stone, etc.

I’m not becoming vegetarian because one of my favourite bands is. I turned vegetarian because I believed in the morals of not eating animals. Having them as role models only inspired me more.

Any respect I had for Jennifer Lopez and Beyonce Knowles I had lost when I saw photos of them in fur coats. They disgust me now.

I might sound like I’m ranting on and on. And maybe I am. I dunno... I just hope this anger towards carnivorism never goes away. I can’t see myself eating meat now. Ever. If you ever see me eat meat, slap me in the face and remind me of this blog. I want to make this happen. All the exhilaration of knowing that you’ve changed for the better, and still changing for the better. And all the disappointment of looking back on how you were oblivious to all the pain and all the hurt.

If you wanna know why I’m so disgusted of meat, leather, fur, milk, or even wool, either go to peta.org.uk, 'cows are cool' website, or just ask me directly.

Signing out

Over and out

Hating Persons, Wishing Impossibilities

I had just watched Rise Against’s ‘Ready To Fall’ video yesterday. And it really made a great impact on me. The video itself was very powerful, sad and eye-opening. If you haven’t seen in, please do. It’s in my multiply videos page, titled ‘Rise Against – Ready To Fall.’ Trust me, it’ll be one of the most eye-opening four minutes you’ll have in your life. I’m sorry if I sound like I’m exaggerating, but I can’t say I think I am.

If you have any conscience or sympathy at all, you’ll curse at our own cruelty towards animals, and our recklessness with our very own planet. If you don’t feel anything after watching the video, I’m sorry to say you’re a heartless bastard.


I have to confess, I cried after watching this video for a few times. For four minutes I actually hated everyone in the world who didn’t make an effort to make this stop. Everyone, and that includes you. I’m sorry if you’re offended, but that’s how I felt for four minutes. Hating every single fur-wearing, meat-eating person on Earth. Don’t worry. I’ve calmed down. I understand it’s not easy to give up meat. We were born and bred as carnivores. I just hope people would make some effort in at least one little way or another. I in my small little way have contributed by turning myself vegetarian. And so have some people I know. I’m willing to contribute more to this, especially after watching the video. I have a long way to go before I can be a true environmentalist, or vegan. But I’m striving towards it.

Rise Against, by the way, has to be a band I respect more than most, by a mile. I have never seen such conviction from a band to stand up for the Earth. If you haven’t listened to any of their albums, pick up ‘Siren Song of The Counter Culture’ and ‘The Sufferer & The Witness.’

“Real revelation begins at learning. If you’re not angry, you’re not paying attention.” - Tim McIlrath, vocalist for Rise Against

“The names of radicals are rarely etched in marble, but burn eternally in the hearts of man” – Saul Alinsky

Signing out

Over and out